You know sometimes when you think you know someone prreeetttyy well? And then something happens that kinda blows you away, and you go "Wwwwhhhhaaaa?" Well folks, that's what happened to me today. I've been told so many things so many times that I thought the situation would be still ongoing. Yeah. How wrong was I. Seriously. I have never felt so.....argh....I dunno. I can't really think about it right now. All I wanted to be was a good friend. Or at least present the vague idea of what I thought a friend should be. I never had many friends that stayed with me, all the way until now (and I love all you peeps for it :) ) I never had someone sit me down and listen to my problems, listen to my likes, my dislikes. I just don't think I know anything definitive anymore. I've put so much of myself out there that when I get pushed back, it hurts. It hurts bad.

I don't think I can do it anymore. To do so much for people that I don't think I know anymore. I try so hard. But it's hard. I knew that it would not be easy. I knew that it would be tough. I knew I had to be tough. But there's only so much I can do before I break down. Before I fall and can never pull myself up again. My friends and family are the only important things to me (other than the Man Upstairs of course. :) ). I put everything I have to make it work. But, sometimes it doesn't work out.

It usually never works out.

I'll just stop trying altogether. I can't put up this facade, pretending that everything's always alright. I can't listen to other people's feelings when I'm too busy trying to calm mine.

You know what? Some people I know got it right. They never left anything phase them. Never let anything on the outside hurt their inside. One person once told me not to let other people's actions and feelings affect my mind. She might never know how much her advice means to me, especially since we rarely meet up at all now. But for what it's worth, THANKS. :D

I'm just going to be in the backseat now. Not initiate anything anymore. It just takes too much energy. I'll probably just devote it to job-searching. Anything to keep my mind off what I have inside.

Labels: Ranting

You know sometimes when you think you know someone prreeetttyy well? And then something happens that kinda blows you away, and you go "Wwwwhhhhaaaa?" Well folks, that's what happened to me today. I've been told so many things so many times that I thought the situation would be still ongoing. Yeah. How wrong was I. Seriously. I have never felt so.....argh....I dunno. I can't really think about it right now. All I wanted to be was a good friend. Or at least present the vague idea of what I thought a friend should be. I never had many friends that stayed with me, all the way until now (and I love all you peeps for it :) ) I never had someone sit me down and listen to my problems, listen to my likes, my dislikes. I just don't think I know anything definitive anymore. I've put so much of myself out there that when I get pushed back, it hurts. It hurts bad.

I don't think I can do it anymore. To do so much for people that I don't think I know anymore. I try so hard. But it's hard. I knew that it would not be easy. I knew that it would be tough. I knew I had to be tough. But there's only so much I can do before I break down. Before I fall and can never pull myself up again. My friends and family are the only important things to me (other than the Man Upstairs of course. :) ). I put everything I have to make it work. But, sometimes it doesn't work out.

It usually never works out.

I'll just stop trying altogether. I can't put up this facade, pretending that everything's always alright. I can't listen to other people's feelings when I'm too busy trying to calm mine.

You know what? Some people I know got it right. They never left anything phase them. Never let anything on the outside hurt their inside. One person once told me not to let other people's actions and feelings affect my mind. She might never know how much her advice means to me, especially since we rarely meet up at all now. But for what it's worth, THANKS. :D

I'm just going to be in the backseat now. Not initiate anything anymore. It just takes too much energy. I'll probably just devote it to job-searching. Anything to keep my mind off what I have inside.

Labels: Ranting