ANNOYING!
I wanted to revive the blog, so I gotta pay more attention to writing stuff here right? :)

Anyways, took my FTT today, and I passed! It was so nerve-wreaking to press submit 'cause you'll never know what and why you failed/passed. LOLOL. I'm just so happy I passed that I actually spent the past couple of hours clearing all the JC stuff. I even dug out an antique shredder that actually died on me. Lol. I managed to go through the chem, GP and Maths pile before it did though. :D Never thought shredding Chem papers could be so therapeutic.

I probably should start looking for another job, 'cause the istudio one doesn't seem to be working out quite so much. So when I'm like walking around, I gotta keep my eyes open for the part-time jobs that are available. :D

I'm going out on tomorrow with Beryl, but I have no idea where....hmmm....that kinda reminds me that I have to message her to find out. On friday, Dhwani and I are finally going out with Abrie! Yay! :) Going to 313 for a little shopping. :D

Beryl was talking about buying some presents, birthday or otherwise, for her friends, which kinda jolted me a little. :) I still owe her a present, and a couple other friends. LOL. I kinda have an idea of what to get Beryl, since the group thing that me and Cia was planning wasn't going through, so, I'll just see how much cash I have on me, and work from there. :D
I gotta study for my FTT but it's like so confusing. I'm doing the book and it tells me one thing, but my teacher tells me another??? Weird man.


Speaking of weird, I was watching the Brady Bunch on HBO recently, and to quote a phrase from the movie, it was like, totally, 'far out'. The Brady Bunch are like a whole lot of silly people floating in their own bubble oblivious to the people around them. Funny. Really, on a whole psychotic kind of level. LOLOL
Got this off an email my mum sent me quite long back.

EASY                               DIFFICULT              
                                                                       
Easy is to judge others poorly    Difficult is to recognize our own     
                                 mistakes / weaknesses & learn from them
                                                                       
Easy is to talk without thinking  Difficult is to refrain the tongue    
                                                                       
Easy is to hurt another's         Difficult is to heal the wound... and 
feelings                          to forgive those who hurt our feelings
                                                                       
Easy  to say sorry without        Difficult is to be truly remorseful & 
meaning it                        ask for forgiveness                   
                                                                       
Easy is to set rules              Difficult is to follow rules          
                                                                       
Easy is to dream                  Difficult is to fight for a dream...and
                                 realize it                            
                                                                       
Easy is to show victory           Difficult is to assume defeat with    
                                 dignity...                            
                                                                       
Easy is to admire                 Difficult to see the other side...    
                                                                       
Easy is to stumble                Difficult is to get up and try again  
                                 and again to reach one's goal ...     
                                                                       
                                                                       
                                                                       
Easy is to make promises          Difficult is to fulfill all our       
                                 promises...                           
                                                                       
Easy is to say we love            Difficult is to truly love, ie        
                                 unconditionally ...                   
                                                                       
Easy is to criticize others       Difficult  to accept criticisms from  
                                 others about us or our loved ones...  
                                                                       
Easy is to make mistakes          Difficult to admit our mistakes       
                                                                       
Easy is to weep for a lost love.  Difficult is to take care of it so not
                                 to lose it.                           
                                                                       
Easy is to think about improving  Difficult is to stop thinking & start 
                                 taking steps to improve...            
                                                                       
Easy is to think bad of others    Difficult is to give others the benefit
                                 of the doubt...                       
                                                                       
Easy is to receive                Difficult is to give                  
                                                                       
Easy to read this message         Difficult to follow the good advice     

Just watched a youtube video about Gay rights on the Tyra Banks Show. I've read all the comments for the for and the against, and I've got to say, that I feel that's it's gonna be one big battle that's probably not going to end anytime soon.

I dunno.

It's all so.....heated.

I agree with some people's points (both for and against) and don't like some comments that each side made too. I just pray that something like that would not come into my little country. We probably wouldn't be able to handle the stress of it. I know we cannot. Singapore has to remain neutral, and fair to all. But with all the different opinions floating around, you'll never know if the people would agree to be fair and neutral.
I feel kinda bad for shutting down when Mum tried to talk to me just now. I mean, I couldn't help it. I just needed for her to chill and let me sort out my thoughts before I could actually tell her straight to her face.

I got rejections from all three Unis I applied to, and I don't know what I'm gonna do. I'm kinda in a state of numbness now, I dunno. I feel like I should be crying, but I can't. I feel like I should just let it go, but I can't. I don't know what to feel right now. Because, now, I feel nothing. AT ALL. Sometimes I think whether there's something wrong with me, you know. I can't cry. I thought I almost did just now, but, nope, sorely mistaken.

I know God has a way for me, and Beryl will always be there whenever I need her. We're both on the same boat, and, I should trust in both of them. I have both spiritual and physical support, I mean, what more could I ask for.

I just feel that there's like something wrong with this picture of me typing this message. I mean, shouldn't I be like, I dunno, dying right now? My future's been ripped out in front of me, and I know a lot of friends that are going happily to their new schools. I think I've hid so much that I don't feel anything at all.

One thing's for certain, sometimes I feel like I'm kinda a loser. (Not even in a good way either). I've never done well for school, only just managed to scrape through mostly. I'm going to get compared to my sibling, my cousins soon enough.

I dunno

I really can't feel anything right now. I don't even know what I'm doing is correct or not. I probably should sleep it off. I know I'm gonna wake up to an empty house tomorrow, and I'll have a lot of time to think. We'll see.

Ciao. :)
I got rejected already. LOLOL. To think that some people are worried about what course to choose when I can't even get anywhere.

Well.....no one understands, and sometimes, I kinda feel like I'm alone. I never thought I'll be depressed over my results, I always told myself not to, but it seems like it just comes naturally. I can't talk to my family about it, they wouldn't understand. They try to help, but it's only going to make it worse. No point making them worry about me as well as my results. They have enough on their plate already. My friends, or what's left of them anyway, have troubles of their own. They couldn't help me even if they tried. (Some wouldn't even try. *sigh*) All alone again.

I gotta trust that God would pave a way for me. I gotta trust in him especially now when everything is against. I gotta pray hard that he thinks I'm good enough to be helped. I just gotta pray that he hears me.

ANNOYING!